Ooh, that's handy

Anyway, back to more important things.

We all know Noel "Crinkly Bottom" Edmonds - he of the deceased parental melon-shaped orbs - is a big fan of cosmic ordering, where you ask the cosmos for what you want and then, apparently, get it. But what I didn't know was that you can do it all over the internet at The Cosmic Ordering website, complete with a useful form ready topped and tailed -

To the Cosmos,

Please accept my request for the following orders by the dates specified ...

With love and Appreciation,

And it's free! Though I dread to think what spam you are deluged with afterwards. I've just asked the cosmos to slap Noel Edmonds round the face with a fish live on his new show. Well, he does say it will "mend broken Britain". 

Fingers crossed.