tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29946121204320735412024-03-13T04:17:10.535+00:00Jonny Mac's PlaceWhere politics, the law and satire sit down and have a pint. And a packet of scampi fries.
Email jonnymacsplace@live.co.ukJonny Machttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18440274325662944612noreply@blogger.comBlogger432125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994612120432073541.post-5569736094274975322009-06-21T19:56:00.002+01:002009-06-21T20:04:55.136+01:003 funniest things from that Guardian gordon Brown interview3. His professed ignorance of what McBride did when he was employed, such as send abusive texts to journalists. "I didn't know that. I didn't know that." 'Course mate. So what did you think he spent his time in the office doing, exactly?<div>2. The whole "I could go into teaching" thing. God, can you imagine?</div><div>1. His denial that public spending will have to be cut after the next election. "It's a myth. Public spending will continue to rise. It's in our figures. We've costed it, and you're paying more in top rate tax to pay for it." That's so delusional, it's not even all that funny, actually. </div>Jonny Machttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18440274325662944612noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994612120432073541.post-32772572886828137482009-06-19T15:54:00.002+01:002009-06-19T15:57:31.150+01:00Khamenei channels Brecht<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhG6KpNh_wh31Kp9a22srNbJ62VpU3CfXpbNV7DIVU0gwqbvD33g7XckRVwfH8m-JGx2U6uAv35BZrcgOSPKPwNKyV267TzAcfTghvzxyFOEUA8vXnoe4p0_jKCiP6YxVpwmUim9-oTAGE/s1600-h/brecht.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5349052847234334322" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 220px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhG6KpNh_wh31Kp9a22srNbJ62VpU3CfXpbNV7DIVU0gwqbvD33g7XckRVwfH8m-JGx2U6uAv35BZrcgOSPKPwNKyV267TzAcfTghvzxyFOEUA8vXnoe4p0_jKCiP6YxVpwmUim9-oTAGE/s320/brecht.bmp" border="0" /></a> <strong>The Solution</strong><br /><br />After the uprising of the 17th of June<br />The Secretary of the Writers Union<br />Had leaflets distributed in the Stalinallee<br />Stating that the people<br />Had forfeited the confidence of the government<br />And could win it back only<br />By redoubled efforts. Would it not be easier<br />In that case for the government<br />To dissolve the people<br />And elect another?<br /><br /><div>Bertolt Brecht</div>Jonny Machttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18440274325662944612noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994612120432073541.post-8748826960264536822009-06-19T12:36:00.005+01:002009-06-19T13:56:07.091+01:00Khamenei's threats<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQjQXZ23sMqB2qHexCfaDkWAcC-g9VBTbfjx3w3Y1R5chJambEp46GCZl4NQMAvYwegGiXS53ua6ssCxbnsdRFt8J8QjWG63-qw6ldEWOqpAAh-UpknqgHQ73s6G5lWbeyN5CMd5hUE3g/s1600-h/iran+3.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5349020553394338562" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 213px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQjQXZ23sMqB2qHexCfaDkWAcC-g9VBTbfjx3w3Y1R5chJambEp46GCZl4NQMAvYwegGiXS53ua6ssCxbnsdRFt8J8QjWG63-qw6ldEWOqpAAh-UpknqgHQ73s6G5lWbeyN5CMd5hUE3g/s320/iran+3.bmp" border="0" /></a>made at <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/jun/19/iran-elections-ayatollah-ali-khamenei">Friday prayers</a>:<br /><br /><div><div><em>Wrestling in the street must stop. I want everyone to put an end to this. If they don't stop this … they will be held accountable for all of this. </em></div><br /><div>This is the voice of Islamism, the voice of fascism, and, via Press TV, the voice of Galloway's paymasters.</div><div></div><div><br />Just hope it it doesn't win over democracy.</div><br /><div></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5349020222873772482" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD_VLTcTmOV4UxhySOquAs_BWG3q3ngTEAObR0PEHHx0wED1ym6EcMTLAC15ZgbdnqK_qN1g2lKT19lN8qO0UAyW_OTr-9hvOMKlruGgz4VJcDwYwLW0_WU8HcHzjptqvOGM7OBLtjo-w/s320/iran.bmp" border="0" /></div>Jonny Machttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18440274325662944612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994612120432073541.post-35547703741145113832009-06-18T18:35:00.003+01:002009-06-18T18:42:24.201+01:00Shrew apocalypseRight, this is getting silly now.<div><br /></div><div>Margot and Barbara have murdered three shrews today. So far. Last night, coming home late on the trusty bike, I turned the corner into our lane to have the bike light pick up Margot torturing another shrew in the middle of the road. Squeak...squeak...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">KABOOM</span></span>...squeak...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">THWACK</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">. That finished, delightfully, with her bringing it in, and me finishing it off with a file of bank statements. Our bin is knee-deep in deceased shrewage. Our conservatory is a charnel house, a rodent Dachau.</span></span></div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">No wonder I have weird dreams.</span></span></div>Jonny Machttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18440274325662944612noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994612120432073541.post-92226922677967472332009-06-18T17:49:00.001+01:002009-06-18T17:49:52.975+01:00Cri de coeur<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWv4I112UNCPBVFMh8Q2dFgZAHhyFGXpBD_ilgw35zThSBU37RLzic5FU2dNh4ZLIr5aYCiJBo8K6pRsqFXDFyQeaJy6Z-Qz2g8vvre-EYODnlAv7uxKSp3eacknbphVEBFejC9cFaQ5M/s1600-h/facebook2.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5348710760408979298" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 250px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWv4I112UNCPBVFMh8Q2dFgZAHhyFGXpBD_ilgw35zThSBU37RLzic5FU2dNh4ZLIr5aYCiJBo8K6pRsqFXDFyQeaJy6Z-Qz2g8vvre-EYODnlAv7uxKSp3eacknbphVEBFejC9cFaQ5M/s320/facebook2.bmp" border="0" /></a>Jonny Machttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18440274325662944612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994612120432073541.post-69591152524485198252009-06-18T13:28:00.002+01:002009-06-18T13:30:58.976+01:00Quote of the Day (Britney Special)- "<em>What's up, London</em>?"<br /><br />On stage <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1193719/Britney-Spears-shocks-customers-London-McDonalds-drops-pink-hotpants.html">last night </a>at the MEN Arena. In Manchester.Jonny Machttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18440274325662944612noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994612120432073541.post-34164345339275501242009-06-17T17:19:00.005+01:002009-06-17T17:29:17.807+01:00Galloway on events in IranIn the <a href="http://blogs.dailyrecord.co.uk/georgegalloway/2009/06/you-can-count-on-the-fact-elec.html">Daily Record </a>on 15 June.<br /><div></div><br /><div>"Highlights" (though do read the whole thing):</div><br /><div><strong><em>You can count on the fact election was fair </em></strong></div><div><br /><em>I present two weekly shows for Iranian-owned Press TV.</em></div><div><br /><em>This massive exercise took place without trouble of any kind [...]</em></div><div><br /><em>The counting, too, was awesome. </em></div><br /><div><em>[the disturbances] will soon fizzle out.</em></div><div></div><div></div><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5348333412334914882" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 250px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 210px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvuz_X9DUxIr5_O0Oikw0EMBqVK2lBQHUaYUyTo5S7xuu30ikBRv6-y4nwk8yBLaD3kA7GdvWUHiommK9BBgaI9rPP04HVACUy6rnC8VLyTJHH53GD1qlqoYcTncIFET4qkSFYKtErPa8/s320/iran.bmp" border="0" />There's no other word for it. Galloway, who is still shilling for the Iranian regime even as it mounts a fascist coup against its own people, is scum.Jonny Machttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18440274325662944612noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994612120432073541.post-88896544217434841652009-06-16T20:40:00.003+01:002009-06-16T21:09:13.206+01:00Richard Rogers, architect and arrogant fool"Lord Rogers is in a <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">sweat, sweat, SWEAT!</span>" Thus are chanting architects at the red-faced and angry peer, who is swinging round in a playground in west London, trying to find the heir to the throne to knee him in the balls.<div><br /></div><div>Christ but little Richard's in a tizzy over Charles' alleged <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/jun/16/richard-rogers-prince-charles-architecture">intervention</a> over his typically modernist mess of a scheme for the Chelsea Barracks site. And while he's banging on about whether Charles' intervention was constitutionally proper or not, you can see that what really winds him up is that Charles has the temerity to have an opinion while not being an expert. He hasn't had any training, he doesn't <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">understand</span> you see; he's not one of us. (His wife is Ruth Rogers of the oh so Fulham River Cafe; I have no doubt that she thinks Charles and Camilla really rather vulgar.) The arrogance (and rudeness) in his comments is breathtaking. "Charles knows little about architecture...I think he pursues these topics because he is looking for a job..." And so on.</div><div><br /></div><div>The bottom line is that Charles has every right to have a view about architecture and to share it with the Qatar Royal family if he wishes, and they in turn have every right to sack Rogers if they want to. And what makes reading Rogers' whining against the Prince even more irksome is the fact that he happily accepted a peerage and all that comes with it, which seems to me to add a tad of hypocrisy to his already manifold failings.</div><div><br /></div><div>So Dick, shuddup, there's a dear. </div>Jonny Machttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18440274325662944612noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994612120432073541.post-64135066587521768752009-06-05T08:29:00.002+01:002009-06-05T08:38:02.814+01:00Brown leadership crisis: latestA letter signed by every backbench Labour MP headed 'Oh for God's sake, Gordon, can you not take a hint?' is published; a mob of over a million people is descending on Downing Street wielding pitchforks and burning torches, chanting 'Burn him! Burn him!'; and James Purnell has just described the Prime Minister on Today as 'an utter, blethering cretinous twat, with the social skills of a whelk and the political nous of an amoeba'. Hazel Blears called him 'a spakker' on Newsnight last night. <div><br /></div><div>Meanwhile, sources near to the Prime Minister have said that he is 'disappointed, but focussed on getting on with the job', and David Miliband's bottom lip has started wobbling dangerously.</div>Jonny Machttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18440274325662944612noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994612120432073541.post-31992160228618875992009-06-04T13:21:00.005+01:002009-06-04T13:45:28.845+01:00Tiananmen: Kate Adie takes on the CCCP<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr86jIrkF80byski7geWpQ7pNMEQfL6iyY4FGgnRXugN_RZ-jpn-nlRxiYCRbnO9xfp8sCay_g0gi-MtYOApMOe6U-K6vga6yIdcc4VCV6EGEUzBilGpq4G2QcbES9lsFUAhQaaX7PMKs/s1600-h/tiananmen.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5343446673498643362" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 213px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr86jIrkF80byski7geWpQ7pNMEQfL6iyY4FGgnRXugN_RZ-jpn-nlRxiYCRbnO9xfp8sCay_g0gi-MtYOApMOe6U-K6vga6yIdcc4VCV6EGEUzBilGpq4G2QcbES9lsFUAhQaaX7PMKs/s320/tiananmen.bmp" border="0" /></a>Excellent programme on the 20th anniversary of the 4 June mssacre last night on the BBC, presented by Katie Adie. iPlayer link <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00l17sy/Kate_Adie_Returns_to_Tiananmen_Square/">here</a>. Some observations:<br /><br />1. It was a reminder how good a presenter and reporter Adie is. So why is she never allowed on our screens any more? Is she too posh? Too morally serious?<br /><br />2. Re her moral seriousness: it was a jolt how Adie un-relativist Adie was. There was no attempt to show 'balance' - save an honest account of a soldier being beaten by an angry crowd (hardly surprising behaviour). On the contrary, Adie told us - showed us - what a barbarity this was, and importantly, how effectively nothing in the security system has changed in China. People are still being harrassed, followed, kept under house arrest, kept in prison, twenty years on. And admirably, Adie made no effort to hide her disgust.<br /><br />3. The extent of the massacre, as explained by Adie, was deeply shocking. People inside their houses were killed by the Army's high velocity bullets. Firing was indiscriminate. Tanks crushed people's skulls. Adie told how she followed some people to a local children's hospital, where there was not only blood on the floor - there was so much that she and the crew were literally <em>wading </em>in it.<br /><br />4. The bravery of ordinary Beijingers was incredible. People who had seen the Army mow people down with submachine guns took their place - 'eyeballing' the soldiers as Adie reported.<br /><br />5. One of the theories of the neo-cons, as I understood it, was that a pluralist democracy would follow the stablishment of market capitalism as night follows day. China shows this to be wrong. It is, to pretty much all extents and purposes, a capitalist, market-driven economy now. But the party shows absolutely no sign of loosening its iron grip on power.<br /><br />Nothing substantive has changed in the mindset of China's elite since Tiananmen. It's a vile regime. And those in the West who proffer support to that leadership, such as the useful idiots in the <a href="http://handsoffchina.org/about/">Hands off China </a>campaign, or Seamus Milne, are wankers.Jonny Machttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18440274325662944612noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994612120432073541.post-58569727542433972312009-06-03T20:50:00.002+01:002009-06-03T20:51:45.808+01:00...and contentment<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnD66dAtZt5gFICAT1aJtgn0GRAQ7U4foGjsMZ-PkKifx6uMPHZ9Z3WzivZ-EiLo4ubg8A0GK7xxdxgIq6-9SZvy-QGkunX2d474zfzlxR_p46g4yJ6FYfdHKPw1YD0aHjz3XMOIbpIRs/s1600-h/P1010002.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnD66dAtZt5gFICAT1aJtgn0GRAQ7U4foGjsMZ-PkKifx6uMPHZ9Z3WzivZ-EiLo4ubg8A0GK7xxdxgIq6-9SZvy-QGkunX2d474zfzlxR_p46g4yJ6FYfdHKPw1YD0aHjz3XMOIbpIRs/s320/P1010002.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5343191326848520882" /></a>Jonny Machttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18440274325662944612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994612120432073541.post-63033506102745834722009-06-03T20:45:00.004+01:002009-06-03T20:49:53.816+01:00DisappointmentSo the first Jonny Mac homegrown, organic carrots were harvested today. Huge bushy green stuff on top, so I thought these things would be at least a foot long. How wrong I was.<div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl5tZ9eV5_IOset11nCf08aTztfWcyNTdV2WkQPjgg2V2_xMn2zlXkpZNcVoZb7faf7Ow3rvIm0QBmb5xqNyRKK4OKkv5oBJQDu3NnvKJD6jVxBlu_duQccMKKkWyh9m4OjU1mN7J5acI/s320/P1010015.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5343190396983013042" />Jonny Machttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18440274325662944612noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994612120432073541.post-90816732961705049292009-06-03T13:56:00.006+01:002009-06-03T14:13:16.246+01:00Blunkett, Shipman, and why he should never be allowed backAmidst all the vastly entertaining political fun and games, there is the question of who - assuming Brown can cling on to the premiership for the next few weeks - he will make Home Secretary.<br /><br />There has been much talk of him moving Darling there, of course, but it is now being suggested that the Boring Badger has <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2009/jun/03/hazel-blears-resigns">said</a> he would refuse to take the post - which would be a further huge blow to Brown if true. But there has also been gossip in the last week or so that Brown could 'pull a Mandy' and invite Blunkett back to his old job. Makes sense in one way - Blunkett is one of the few well-known politicians whose ego and desire to be in the limelight again could lead him to slurp deeply from a very poisoned chalice.<br /><br />But for me, he should never, ever be allowed to hold office again after his disgraceful <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/3404041.stm">comment</a> on the suicide of Harold Shipman when he was Home Secretary, and so responsible both for Shipman's welfare and delivering justice to the families of his victims:<br /><br /><em>'You wake up and you receive a phone call - Shipman's topped himself. You have just got to think for a minute: is it too early to open a bottle?</em>'<br /><br />Prisoner suicide has long been a massive problem. Joking about it when you're Home Secretary: I don't care how despicable Shipman's crimes were, that's absolutely grotesque.<br /><br /><strong>Update</strong>: yup, DB's definitely on manoeuvres: from the BBC site today -<br /><br /><em>1255 The latest Labour "big beast" to take to the airwaves to defend the prime minister is David Blunkett. He says the government reshuffle will "re-energise" the government. He warns Westminster against getting "out of touch" with people's real concerns. Asked about a return to government he says he is not seeking a return to cabinet but says he wants to help Gordon Brown however he can. </em>Jonny Machttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18440274325662944612noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994612120432073541.post-72625262346542371022009-06-02T13:32:00.000+01:002009-06-02T15:12:01.434+01:00Young Gun Ronaldo Goes For ItOver the years your humble blogger has heard several stories about the sexual proclivities of Cristiano Ronaldo, his snouts suggesting that the young Mr R is an enthusiastic batter for both sides. I have, naturally, never taken such allegations seriously. No, really I haven't. But when he dresses up like this -<br /><div><div><br /><div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5342730206233340034" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 214px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaXqzW5zawulmjULzWQqFoMzbiivES-2BE0SV0rW0NITuMExeb8FhEEWFwIonldkwCeiGyrSgqLsZA5RcLjbbOIonx29A3ch85Lv9XY_o9ce0DuD3zhkSFyDiH9NLX4K44UQPTylLnj4c/s320/ronn.bmp" border="0" /><br /><div>- you really do have to pause and scratch your chin for a short while.</div><br /><div>Here's another shot of Mr R, in just those little white shorts.</div><br /><div></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5342732343623621986" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 262px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyyP_H5lK_pTntTenRIM2KhSkAw2aCJpn_M5U7zvcQHD7SNYN0o0W-VlcTyaZq1wwO5dRSebg71BjN_wtCcyovlsx__Ww7IBsFNY7p9Wg8K4VG01LB1A0QdVwKwTs4EITV7ey5W2k_P5Y/s320/cris.bmp" border="0" /><br /><div>And now - on a completely unrelated topic - here's a small picture of George Michael, with little Andrew Ridgley.</div><br /><div></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5342731474296880194" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 81px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 110px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5Tb42Isc62zY-pnR2IGE0zuXQ2sb5bIZSfgRGLlG9wPUMkvilp5TUvaIPU9qSjzBRW1GOQmngd-PKlmtbPyT5rVT3lXlYeCr60wD2wD2OKDjaPQEooLby-RO67WIuhY1nPJpDDSy1Dq4/s320/wham.bmp" border="0" /></div></div></div>Ho hum.Jonny Machttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18440274325662944612noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994612120432073541.post-70724694552320855062009-06-01T20:12:00.005+01:002009-06-01T20:19:56.956+01:00The victims come into the light<div><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_p8A9djr0X9AA4QrubX5dKcs5IZTv3Zw8MaP4q48MMzBRP2nogpFr_a2T9juSf8eGwkNu81qMjRa2kCm3N98LH7lmQs0-3ibQ7DB67QbtJ-Meb3-c7YYoVakmP4nnfz_Y3ZsuVvYaIYc/s1600-h/P1010012.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_p8A9djr0X9AA4QrubX5dKcs5IZTv3Zw8MaP4q48MMzBRP2nogpFr_a2T9juSf8eGwkNu81qMjRa2kCm3N98LH7lmQs0-3ibQ7DB67QbtJ-Meb3-c7YYoVakmP4nnfz_Y3ZsuVvYaIYc/s320/P1010012.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5342439485055752962" /></a><br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>This is one of the little blokes and blokettes that Margot the cat is slaughtering on a one or two a day basis. Can anybody tell what it is? I don't think it's a mouse because of the pointy nose.<br /></div><div><div><br /></div><div>I found four of these - dead - under our freezer last week after a 'hmm, what <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">is</span> that smell' moment. </div><div><br /></div><div>Two under the car yesterday.</div><div><br /></div><div>She's a murderous bitch, she really is. </div></div>Jonny Machttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18440274325662944612noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994612120432073541.post-10765014994940210412009-05-28T19:37:00.002+01:002009-05-28T19:42:22.382+01:00Have I missed anything?Sorry for the lack of blogging this month. Lots of things conspired against it, including an unusually busy time at work and, more to the point, a sense that I couldn't really be arsed to blog for a few weeks. Back now with much to say, including updating you on the infamous 'voles under the freezer' saga. Watch this space.Jonny Machttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18440274325662944612noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994612120432073541.post-91153972088456361922009-05-06T19:51:00.003+01:002009-05-06T19:59:48.914+01:00The Rock; and can rabbits be suicidal?Sorry about the lack of posting over the last few days. Radio silence will continue into next week, as JM has been consigned to Gibraltar on a work related matter.<div><br /></div><div>If anybody wants to tell me anything about Gib, I'd be grateful. Sounds all apes, red phone boxes, fish and chips and pensioners to me, and I can get all that in <a href="http://www.monkeyworld.co.uk/topic.php?TopicID=1&Template=standard">Monkeyworld</a>, so I do wonder what the point is. </div><div><br /></div><div>Incidentally, I've just had to shoo a rabbit away that was nibbling on some grass right under the gals' catflap, while they were eating their dinner right next to it. This was either a genuinely suicidal <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">lapin</span>, or a teenaged rabbit fulfilling some particularly foolhardy bet. Worrying either way.</div>Jonny Machttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18440274325662944612noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994612120432073541.post-54147452528744590932009-05-01T15:47:00.001+01:002009-05-01T15:48:34.622+01:00Swine flu fail<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi29iJVRaNMOsmgFm0JKmwaasr5D3iXsXr4vYCspozLCsoGMUHbmG7d7aJN5bWrSCI9RSnn5Wd83ovhpSBZa9G2efZQbsTl1T3z5DJzF-9TKyWOcNBoPWWr4Ug9cyNdq_L7R5PROaPy6Ys/s1600-h/sw.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5330867252619729906" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi29iJVRaNMOsmgFm0JKmwaasr5D3iXsXr4vYCspozLCsoGMUHbmG7d7aJN5bWrSCI9RSnn5Wd83ovhpSBZa9G2efZQbsTl1T3z5DJzF-9TKyWOcNBoPWWr4Ug9cyNdq_L7R5PROaPy6Ys/s320/sw.bmp" border="0" /></a><br /><div></div>Jonny Machttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18440274325662944612noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994612120432073541.post-89814194196759890712009-04-29T20:22:00.002+01:002009-04-29T20:25:31.449+01:00Quote of the day- <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">Resign!</span><br /><div><br /></div><div>Shouted by several MPs in the chamber of the House of Commons on the announcement of the Gurkha vote result.</div>Jonny Machttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18440274325662944612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994612120432073541.post-810462313265382452009-04-29T20:14:00.002+01:002009-04-29T20:22:32.473+01:00Brown must be in troubleEven New Labour lickspittle Keith Vaz <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/8023882.stm">voted</a> for the Lib Dem Gurkha motion. Well done Mr Vaz.<div><br /></div><div>He was one of 27 Labour MPs who defied a three line whip to vote against the Government; but perhaps the really scary thing for the bunker was the much larger number who abstained.</div><div><br /></div><div>The Jim Callaghan comparisons are now going strong. Brown is, after all, the first prime minister to lose an opposition day debate in the Commons since Sunny Jim in 1978. And while Callaghan was always scrabbling around for votes, Brown managed to lose - despite that three line whip - with a working majority of 63 MPs. </div><div><br /></div><div>Ouch.</div><div><br /></div><div>And we still have the expenses debate tomorrow! Oh, happy days...</div>Jonny Machttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18440274325662944612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994612120432073541.post-56201340166616786752009-04-29T13:19:00.004+01:002009-04-29T13:32:03.844+01:00Skynet malfunction<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7V_6CR1IPucXe8lBomEZ-WSW0F1lGBBPWcXpkUmB5hQJFHcOBzcRBFDj-wIyVSKxLqJiNY6Ea9WXHdMgSuMjHUXXOfq6FTRcpoHptK4TqQNF5v0w0UpUg1ZlpK8JGGhr6RUzKEOPSvu0/s1600-h/term.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5330089912794441698" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 125px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 100px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7V_6CR1IPucXe8lBomEZ-WSW0F1lGBBPWcXpkUmB5hQJFHcOBzcRBFDj-wIyVSKxLqJiNY6Ea9WXHdMgSuMjHUXXOfq6FTRcpoHptK4TqQNF5v0w0UpUg1ZlpK8JGGhr6RUzKEOPSvu0/s320/term.bmp" border="0" /></a> It's started.<br /><div><br /><div>From <a href="http://www.thelocal.se/19120/20090428/">The Local</a> ('Sweden's News in English'): </div><br /><div><em>A Swedish company has been fined 25,000 kronor ($3,000) after a malfunctioning robot attacked and almost killed one of its workers at a factory north of Stockholm.<br /></em></div><br /><div><em>[...]</em></div><br /><div><em>The incident took place in June 2007 at a factory in </em><a class="nodec" href="http://www.thelocal.se/tag/B%E5lsta"><em>Bålsta</em></a><em>, north of Stockholm, when the industrial worker was trying to carry out maintenance on a defective machine generally used to lift heavy rocks. Thinking he had cut off the power supply, the man approached the robot with no sense of trepidation. <strong>But the robot suddenly came to life and grabbed a tight hold of the victim's head.</strong> The man succeeded in defending himself but not before suffering serious injuries. "The man was very lucky. He broke four ribs and came close to losing his life," said Leif Johansson. </em></div><br /><div>Best comment on the story is from 'Britswedeguy' -</div><br /><div><em>I, for one, welcome our new robot overlords. </em></div><br /><div>The Local is a magnificent news resource, actually. On the page of the above Terminator story is a link to a story headed <em>Thirsty Swede Jailed Over Snot Attack</em>, and the oddly cheery <em>Sweden Tops European Rape League </em>(but certain Premiership sides are just behind and closing fast, presumably).</div><br /><div><a href="http://www.croydonian.blogspot.com/"><span style="font-size:85%;">h/t The Croydonian</span></a>.</div></div>Jonny Machttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18440274325662944612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994612120432073541.post-58902808386982787062009-04-28T17:35:00.000+01:002009-04-28T17:36:08.861+01:00Quite possibly the weirdest advert ever<object width="540" height="444"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/HHNJmWbvsL0&autoplay=0&rel=0&showsearch=0&showsearch=0"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/HHNJmWbvsL0&autoplay=0&rel=0&showsearch=0&showsearch=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="540" height="444"></embed></object><br />via <a href="http://www.videosift.com/video/The-Weirdest-Japanese-Commercial-Ever" title="The Weirdest Japanese Commercial Ever">videosift.com</a>Jonny Machttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18440274325662944612noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994612120432073541.post-23289217259531697392009-04-28T13:42:00.005+01:002009-04-28T14:45:42.661+01:00The Equality Bill reads like a pile of steaming turdsOh dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. Harriet Harman's <a href="http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm200405/cmbills/072/2005072.pdf">Equality Bill </a>is truly, utterly, dreadful. It's an attempt to put into law the worst of Labour's utterly unthought-through, vague, aspirational buzzwordage. And, surprise surprise, when you try to distil these concepts, they run through your fingers. It's like trying to nail jelly to the ceiling.<br /><br />Take this clause:<br /><br /><strong><em>8 Equality and diversity</em></strong><br /><strong><br /></strong><em>(1) The Commission shall, by exercising the powers conferred by this Part—<br />(a) promote understanding of the importance of equality and diversity,<br />(b) encourage good practice in relation to equality and diversity,<br /></em><em></em><br /><em>[...]</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>(2) In subsection (1)—<br />“diversity” means the fact that individuals are different,<br />“equality” means equality between individuals, and<br />“unlawful” is to be construed in accordance with section 36.<br /></em><br />So, to take one example, one of the statutory duties of the Equality Commission is to encourage good practice in relation to the fact that individuals are different.<br /><br />This doesn't mean anything. <strong><em>It has no meaning</em>. </strong><br /><br />I hope that Parliamentary Counsel was sobbing tears of red hot shame as he typed those words.<br /><br />It reminds me of a story that a Parliamentary Counsel once told me. Shortly after Labour's 1997 election, when the new dawn had (had it not) broken, word reached PC's Office that the Prime Minister would like an Enterprise Bill prepared.<br /><br />Er, jolly good, came the reply; what does he want it to say?<br /><br />We don't know yet, came the reply. We'll get back to you on that. The point is, we want an Act called the Enterprise Act on the statute books as soon as possible, to show we are keen to promote enterprise.<br /><br />Cue Parliamentary Counsel punching wall in frustration.<br /><br /><strong>Update</strong>: a colleague suggests that the clause might read better if amended like this -<br /><br /><em>"diversity" means the fact that individuals are different;</em><br /><em>"equality" means the fact that individuals are the same...</em>Jonny Machttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18440274325662944612noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994612120432073541.post-33252538754833454232009-04-26T18:13:00.004+01:002009-04-26T18:47:08.750+01:00Cocktail hour: OWell, uproar here at JMP Towers with the news just in that Hermann, Hans' Bavarian cousin, may be coming to stay. Hermann, Hans reports, is short and plump and 'wholly without style'; his branch of the family fears that Hans has 'come off the rails', and this potential visit is likely to be something off a checking-up exercise on Hans' lifestyle. An exercise that Hans is likely to fail, I fear. He is going to take some emergency measures next week, including changing his subscriptions to You And Your Facecream and heat, to The Economist and Classic Car Monthly; whether this will be enough to convince onlookers that he is firmly onrail remains to be seen. <div><br /></div><div>Moreover, after picking up a cough after a particularly late night earlier this week, Hans has convinced himself that he has come down with <a href="http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090424224832AA1mEha">swine fever</a>, and has taken to spending the day on the sofa wearing his smoking cap and monogrammed dressing gown, moaning theatrically. Not all that different from his normal behaviour, but trying none the less.</div><div><br /></div><div>In an effort to start thinking like someone who is very much onrail, Hans has chosen a classic, understated, masculine cocktail this week, as we hit O in his A to Z cocktail challenge: the <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Old Fashioned</span>. Recipes vary, but Hans' is as follows: place a sugar cube and enough water just to dissolve it in a glass. Add a splash of Angostura bitters, and mix, so the sugar is dissolved. Add two measures of bourbon, and two or three ice cubes. Garnish with a twist of lemon peel.</div><div><br /></div><div>This is one of my favourite cocktails, and like the Rusty Nail, great if you have a cold. </div><div><br /></div><div>And as you leave us Hans is off the sofa and back to his room to replace the H from Steps and Westlife posters on his walls with Constable prints. The place won't look the same.</div><div><br /></div><div>PS Talking of swine fever, it keeps leading the BBC news with hushed talk of a 'global pandemic', but it can't be of much interest to the world at large if Google is to be believed: 'swine fever symptoms in humans' only brings up a measly 70,800 hits, compared to eg over 8,000,000 for 'Westlife'.</div>Jonny Machttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18440274325662944612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2994612120432073541.post-47243919885155883482009-04-25T15:44:00.002+01:002009-04-25T15:48:13.636+01:00What's worse than waking up after a night on the Cheeky Vimtos?Waking up after a night on the CVs to discover that Margot the cat has caught a cute, baby rabbit and has dragged it through the catflap into your kitchen.<div><br /></div><div>And the cute baby rabbit is alive.</div><div><br /></div><div>But injured. And being played with and chased by two, now vicious-looking cats.</div><div><br /></div><div>And you have to shoo the cats away so that you can get hold of the cute, baby rabbit to smash its head in with a concrete slab, to put it out of its misery.</div><div><br /></div><div>That's worse. It's quite a grim way to start your day, actually.</div>Jonny Machttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18440274325662944612noreply@blogger.com3