Oh, Sarah

The lovely Sarah Palin has issued a statement on the North Korean launch, which is a naked attempt to suggest that she has does, after all, have some national security weight and gravitas; but far more interesting than what it says about her political ambitions is the glimpse it offers of a truly Bush-esque ability to mangle syntax, not only when speaking and under pressure, but in a written statement.

Take the opening sentence:

I am deeply concerned with North Korea’s development and testing program which has clear potential of impacting Alaska, a sovereign state of the United States, with a potentially nuclear armed warhead...

'deeply concerned with'? 'clear potential of impacting'? Christ on a bike.

It's not too late!

Order here; you'll still be able to enjoy her April through December. I'm so diggin' the casual sling of the gun over her shoulder. Shame you can't see the slaughtered moose she's standing on. Or is the barrel actually pointing at Levi Johnston, kneeling on the floor and begging for his life?

Sarah Palin and Scientology

Quick now - what would make Sarah Palin an even more unappealling 2012 candidate than she is already?

Tough isn't it. But how about if she was in bed with Scientology? Works for me.

Well, the head of her secret Political Action Committee is, according to the Washington Post, John Coale, a very big cheese Scientologist. Hey, he did the Route To Infinity Course (ffs) back in 1990. And, claims Gawker, he is now an OT-VII, the second highest level of Scientologist.

Moreover, and just as tellingly, Palin has developed very close ties to Coale's wife, who is also a member of the ludicrous cult*. Gawker reports:

Coale is also the husband of Fox News Channel's Greta Van Susteren, whom he recruited into the church. Van Susteren's penetration of the Palin clan is total—she's been in Alaska practically every other week burnishing Palin's image in friendly profiles. The church's recruitment strategy has always been to snag high-profile converts like Tom Cruise and Will Smith, and it is well known for dispatching operatives on elaborate covert schemes to draw unsuspecting targets into the cocoon.

Much more at Huff Po here.

Oh, this could run and run.

* Scientologists hold that 75 million years ago Xenu the alien - crazy name, crazy guy - transported millions of people to earth on spaceships. Don't forget, when you see Cruise and Travolta on screen, that's what those muppets actually believe.

Sarah Palin haikus

You knew there was a gap in your literary life, but you couldn't put your finger on it, right? Right. JMP always knows. Well, that gap will be filled, my friend, by a visit to the wonderful 'Why Sarah Palin Is So Freaking Awesome' blog (AELRT not ironic! not ironic!), which, amongst its many treats, features, yes, Sarah Palin haikus.

Here's a taster:

Moose hunting Mom and
Governor of Alaska
Sarah does it all!

I was so inspired, I had to have a go myself at a cheery SP haiku (and commenter JG did after all, in a comment on an earlier post, ask for this blog's take on Bristolgate):

Grandmother of bastard

Her family mired in sin -

They will burn in hell.

It's kinda fun! You betcha!

Update: more Sarah Palin haikus than any half-way normal person could possibly desire or need here.

Sarah Palin's Greatest Hits

Because I miss her, man. Can you understand that? Just think what America could have had...